I Want My Ex Back

Weddings can be funny events. They happen in real time and without much rehearsal. They are filled with high emotions. They are primed for anything. I have performed weddings for 20 years and seen interesting things.

The bride had a six year old son in the wedding. Kids provide many interesting moments. Halfway through the wedding, before the wedding vows, he announced, in a loud voice that he had to go to the bathroom. His mom, the bride, told him to go ahead. So, he ran full speed down the aisle and out to the restroom. We continued the wedding ceremony. In a few moments, he ran back into the auditorium, up the aisle, and jumped onto the platform into his place as if nothing had happened. We managed to finish the wedding vows and ring vows and say “I do” without having to take any more bathroom breaks.

The unity candle ceremony is always a beautiful and significant part of a ceremony. It symbolizes the union of the man and woman into a new “oneness.” They are no longer two, but one. However, it is also a good idea to remember that you are working with a live flame. The mothers of the bride and groom usually come to the front before the ceremony begins and light the tapers so they will be ready for the bride and groom to light when it is time. They did this. The father of the bride escorted his darling daughter down the aisle ready to give her away. I began to welcome everyone when I heard a “crack” behind me. It did not sound good. The groom peered around me with a concerned look on his face. I knew something was wrong. I hurried through the welcome and asked the important question: “Who gives this woman to this man in holy wedlock?” I knew it would be my one chance to turn and check out the situation. Sure enough, the small candle used to light the tapers, which had been sitting inside a small glass holder, had cracked the glass and the flame fell to the table which was covered in lace, paper lace. Though very small, the flame was beginning to spread quickly. The entire backdrop behind the small table was covered in paper lace. I laid down my Bible and used my hands to snuff out the fire before it spread. It only took a few seconds. By the time, I turned around, the father had kissed his daughter, given her hand to the groom, and they had stepped into place. No problem. I learned later that the groom was actually a fireman, so we were safe all the time.

It is always a good idea to not lock your knees when you are standing in front of a crowd. It doesn’t seem like it would hurt, but the decreased blood flow can actually cause fainting. The crowd was adoring the lovely couple when the ceremony was suddenly interrupted by a loud “Bang!” Everyone gasped in unison. One of the 9 year old boys who was in the groom’s party had locked his knees, fainted and fell backwards like a plank. I felt the vibration. His father who was seated in the second row, leaped to his feet and bounded onto the platform. He scooped him up like a ragdoll and carried him to a back room, followed by his mother. My rule is: The wedding must go on. We did not skip a beat. I looked over and saw that it was not serious and that the situation was being taken care of, so we continued without making any passing comments about it. At the end of the ceremony the dad emerged with a comment, “He’s OK, just fainted.” Everybody clapped.

To eat or not to eat? That is the bride’s question. How many brides have skipped breakfast because they were nervous that they would not be able to fit into their dress. I know of at least one. Halfway through the ceremony, the bride turned and whispered something to the groom. A look of concern passed across his face. He leaned forward and asked me if we could take a break because the bride was about to faint. I told the audience we needed to take a short break. The wedding coordinator tossed me a confused look and escorted the bride back to her dressing room. I walked back in a few minutes to see what the problem really was and if we would be able to finish. Apparently, she had no eaten all day, after getting she got some orange juice and crackers, she was OK and ready to proceed. We brought a chair for her and she sat down for the ceremony. When we got to the ring vows, she was feeling strong enough to stand up, and finished on her feet.

There are many opportunities for verbal mistakes. I have done plenty of these. Aside from losing my place, I have asked, “Who gives this man to this woman in holy matrimony?” I did not realize it until the everyone started to laugh. More than once I have asked the bride “do you promise to be a good and faithful husband?” Or, asked the groom, “do you promised to be a good and faithful wife?” One groom answered, “I do, to everything except being a good wife.” I turned pretty red.

Sometimes you must improvise. Like when the unity candle goes out. Outdoor weddings are notorious for this. After one couple tried several times unsuccessfully to light their unity candle and it blew out each time, they finally gave up. When they returned to their place, I said, “In marriage and in life, we have to relight the flame of love many times.” This broke the tension and the crowd laughed.